When I first found out that I’m autistic, I joined a group for autistic women in Scotland called SWAN, and one of the topics that came up all the time was, “I’ve just received my diagnosis and now what? What am I supposed to do with it? What does it change? I don’t know what’s next?”
Another common topic for those who were late identified was: "I feel like an imposter/fraud. Maybe I overdid it during the assessment. Am I struggling enough to deserve this label when other people have it worse than me?"
People were left with a lot of questions and felt quite confused about both having a professional confirm their autism and their feelings about being autistic and what precisely that meant.
So, that’s what this post-identification support session is all about. To help you address any lingering thoughts, feelings or questions after receiving your autism confirmation.
However, what that means, specifically for each individual, varies.
First of all, it’s worth mentioning that you’re allowed to wait several months post identification to book this session, and you're also allowed to book this session on the day you receive your official confirmation. That’s entirely up to you, so please don't feel pressured to book this session immediately if you’d like more processing time.
Secondly, I’d love to be able to hand over the “how-to” handbook of autism but as Dr Stephen Shore said (I’ve slightly altered the quote to make it “identity-first” language, as generally preferred by the autistic community): "If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person" so it’s pretty tricky to standardise a how-to formula for autistic people, as you are still a unique person with your own unique story, experiences, resources, network and identity.
So, you’re more than welcome to come on this call and ask things like “how do I unmask?” or “how do I tell other people about this?” or “how do I structure my life better?”
It’s quite impressive how much we can cover in an hour together, but, nevertheless, we only have the one hour (unless you want to book further self-funded sessions), so depending on what you bring to the session, we might not get to cover it all in detail.
What I do is to meet you where you’re at right now, based on your unique life circumstances. Not only do I not have all the answers, I most certainly don’t have the right answer(s) for you either (this is terrible self-promotion! My PR team would be horrified... Oh wait, that's also me!). But it’d be my honour to try and brainstorm our way forward together so that you might find the right answer for yourself.
If you’re anything like me, you might think: "Just tell me what to do!" But we live in a society where so many people, as well as social media, are all too eager to offer unsolicited advice and unhelpful opinions and tell us what to do, how to think, feel and behave and how to be the best version of ourselves. This can drown out our intuition, decision-making abilities and unique voice.
We learn from childhood/school to follow other people’s instructions, but it can often lead to feeling unsure of ourselves and invalidated, masking and questioning what our authentic self looks like. So, it’s really important to me to try and create a space where I’m not telling you how to think, feel or behave but that instead, I offer you a chance to become more self-assured in figuring out the answers for yourself while still offering you information as guidance.
This is a safe space to explore even the darkest thoughts or more shameful feelings, like “I’m not a ‘good’ autistic person” or “I wish I weren’t autistic” or even darker still “I wish I weren’t here”. You’re certainly not alone if you feel or have felt this way.
I'm a counsellor and a coach with a background in psychology, but this session isn’t therapy or coaching in its pure form (it can be if you request it) but more of a mentoring session, full of information (also called “psycho-education” – a fancy word for sharing information) and story sharing (I’ve found that many autistic/neurodivergent people learn better from hearing and sharing stories instead of being asked typical ‘counselling’ questions like “how does that make you feel?”). You and your needs will guide me on the day we speak but, nevertheless, I’m happy to support you if you don’t quite know what guidance you need, where to start, or you feel overwhelmed by starting the conversation (I’ll check in with you at the beginning of our chat).
We’re in this together – two, fellow autistic people – helping each other to navigate this space, so if you’re feeling nervous coming on the call, if you’re struggling verbally, if you’re tired or feeling blank, don’t worry, I won’t let you hang in awkward silence or put you on the spot (but be warned, I have a terribly silly sense of humour that I might employ though!).
There isn't a set list of things you can or can't bring into this session - if in doubt, you're always free to reach out and ask.
But these are some of the most common themes people bring to these sessions:
1) Feeling like an impostor
2) (Internalised) Ableism
3) Autistic Identity
4) Masking
5) Telling others (disclosure)
6) Accommodation
7) Emotional regulation
8) Self-care
9) Sensory profile and how to cope with the noise/smells/etc of the world?
10) What next? Does this change anything?
11) Relationship concerns
12) Communication issues
13) Co-existing neurodivergencies like ADHD
14) Self-advocacy
15) Intersectionality (to be autistic and... identifying as LGBTQ+ and/or belonging to the BIPOC community and/or dealing with other forms of discrimination)
16) Self-advocacy
17) Clarity around values, what a good life looks like and/or the autistic strength profile
If you want to talk about parenting and/or your childrens' neurodivergence I'd happily recommend someone better suited for that than me.
Many of us autistic people like structure and an agenda/itinerary as it gives a sense of certainty and control, especially when entering an unknown space with an unknown person, so feel free to come into this space with a list of topics/themes you want to explore. You can also email these topics in advance, and/or you can let me know if you’d like me to ask you questions to start the conversation. And if you want, I can email you some questions in advance to think about as well.
This session is ultimately about you and your needs and about me doing my best to meet you in them, so please feel free to let me know what they might be.
We’ll be meeting for 60 minutes online, using Google Meets (the joy of Google Meets is that you don’t need an account, an app, or to sign in. Once you book a session via my online booking system (https://calendly.com/connect-neurostorycollective/session-with-teri), you’ll automatically be sent a link, and you can access our session on any device via the browser – except if you want to do your session from your phone and you don’t have a Google email account in which case you’ll be asked to download the app. A minor annoyance, sorry).
Also, you’re welcome to enter this session with your camera off and/or only use the chat function if you prefer (if you have any specific needs, please let me know beforehand so I can prepare the session according to these). And, of course, get up and move if needed or use your body in any way that feels comforting and/or bring your favourite gadgets or comfort toys/blankets/objects/stuff to feel as emotionally regulated as possible during our chat.
If you already know that you're looking for more sessions, Thriving Autistic has a fabulous directory of neurodivergent practitioners from various locations and with varying offers, fees, experiences and knowledge, which you can find here: https://neurodivergentpractitioners.org/
You're, of course, also free to set up further sessions with me afterwards (you'll be using the same booking link and there are other blog posts that explain how I work in my private practice) My fee is £90/€100 per ad hoc session (meaning, you don't commit to a set amount of sessions, nor to meeting on any particular basis (weekly, fortnightly...) - it's all up to you as suits your situation, needs, energy levels, other commitments and finances).
My availability can vary slightly but is usually Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, 11.30 am till 5 pm UK time.
Thriving Autistic offers a free, monthly social Zoom call with themed break-out rooms where you can show up as you are and need (camera on/off, no/low/medium/high engagement, staying non-speaking, talk lots or use the chat, etc). I sometimes run one of the break-out room.
Bookings open 2 weeks before a meetup and you can sign up to get notifications via their Eventbrite site: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/o/thriving-autistic-clg-33096870621 or you can join the Thriving Autistic Community here: https://www.thrivingautistic.org/become-a-member-of-thriving-autistic/
If you have any further questions, please feel free to get in touch via connect@neurostorycollective.com
P.s. I have already written one blog post about the post-identification support session which you can find HERE if you're curious.
P.p.s I'm working on a free e-book about the most common themes for late-realised, high-masking autistic adults - if you want to know when it's available, you can sign up to my newsletter (at the end of my home page). I currently don't have an active newsletter, and once I do, I will not spam you with frequent, irrelevant emails. It'll only be to share valuable information. If you go to sign up for my newsletter, a pop-up will appear after you've given me your email - I can't remove it, but please just ignore it. I do not need further details from you, just your email.